Where have I been??

The last time I wrote on here was PROM!! Well, not so much has happened between now and then. Hmmm....my birthday was July 16! Asa took me out for the WHOLE weekend...and HE PAID! I was toooooo happy! It was about time! Lol. But, my birthday was on a Thursday, so we went to the movies one day, went to a club another, and went out to dinner and then we just chilled for the last day. I enjoyed myself a lot. Hmmm......after July, things started turning for the worst with me and Asa. We began to fight a lot an we weren't clicking like we should have been. Anyways, his birthday was coming up and we hadn't really spoken to each other, so I didn't really buy him anything. Well.....we broke up. He said he "needed space," because of my attitude problem. Which I didn't really have a problem with. I mean, I'm not dumb. I felt the break up coming, and yes I was hurt, but I soon realized that I didn't really want to be with anymore either. Like, he got on my NERVES A LOT! But, I never really said anything about it, because I didn't feel like fighting. One thing I didn't like, was him breaking up with me and then he asked me..."So...I guess you didn't get me anything for my birthday?" And, you know what? I had his $100 in my car in an envelope for his lights for his car, but I just simply told him.."No" and got out of the car. We broke up a week before he was supposed to come to Michigan with me to meet my family. It was horrible. Because on that trip, I could only think about him. Plus, I was sick...so, I wasn't feeling well on top of that. Ughh....I text him and text him, but he never responded. But, on the 4 hour drive back home...I realized that I should just leave him alone. Which is what I did.....

i JUST HAd tO SaY tHIs!!!

I JUST READ SOMETHING AND I JUST WANT TO SAY....IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE LENGHT OR LOOK OF MY BLOG, DONT READ IT. HOW CHILDISH IS THAT OF YOU TO COMMENT ON THE LOOK OF MY SHIT? GET A LIFE!

Guess its time to get recent....

PROM!.....Prom was this weekend.......it was....interesting. Where do I start?? Lets see I woke up on Saturday at like 9 inthe morning, so I could go over Ray's house so Momma could do my hair. I went to McDonald's to get some breakfast and then I went to Asa's house to drop his papers off, then I headed to Ray's house. I sat down and didn't get up for 2 1/2 hours. My hair was huge! It was cute as hell, but it was sooooo big. I told Ray that I was gon' be back for her to do my makeup, because I had to run to Orland Mall right quick. I called Asa because he was gon' drive me there. I get to Asa house, his ass is still laying in the bed!! I got on his ass, Tangie told me to leave his ass, but I couldn't do that cause' I didn't feel like driving. So, me and Asa and his little cousin that he was babysitting, Jayla got in the car and went on our way. Asa made this joke that that's how our family was gon be, and when we were in Forever, Jayla started calling us Mommy & Daddy. It was funny, because if we had a daughter she would resemble Jayla.....long curly hair...light skin....pretty. Anyways, the whole purpose of me going to Orland was to go to Forever to get a dress for our beach trip the next day. So, when I walked into Forever the dress was right there, so I picked up the dress...paid for it and left. I wanted to get some Teriyaki, but the line was long, as usual and I didn't have time, so we just left. Asa drove back to South Holland, and we went back to his house. It was around 3:30, and I was supposed to be at my date, Reginald's house by 4. I told Asa to hurry up and get in the house and get dressed, because I didn't have time to be waiting on him. I drove to Ray's house and SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE!!!! THIS BITCH HAD WENT TO THE DAMN MALL!! So....I just had Momma do my makeup instead. She did a real good job, even though I couldn't keep my eyes open for her to put the mascara and eye liner on. Lol. So, I left and went and picked up Asa so he could help me put my dress on, because Ray was supposed to, but she was nowhere to be found. So, we get to my house and here starts the fight. My "grandmother" had to help Asa zip up my dress, and afterwards she just started going in. Supposedly, I didn't tell my Daddy shit and I'm disrespecting him because I was going to leave before he saw me, but I had to go. I was late as hell, and when I walked into the house his ass didn't speak to me and he wasn't even dressed and I told him what time I had to leave.

Intermission......

WE BROKE UP!.......Yes, we broke up. I was reaching my boiling point with him because we didn't spend New Year's together, and that really pissed me off. He had to go babysit on New Year's, but he left. He went out with his friends and had a good time, while I was where?? AT HOME IN THE BED!!! I was too pissed, and he didn't even call me a midnight, he called me the next day at like 3.....Yes, I was very upset!! Anyways, I met one of his friends, his cousins best friend, his name is Jarvis. He is a real cool guy, but he's 22, and of course I'm with Asa, so nothing would happen with that. Anyways, me and Asa had been getting into it lately about spending time together, and one night he decided he didn't want to be around me and wanted to go out with his friends. So, I called his Jarvis to see what he was doing that night. He said he was gon' call me back later one....he did. He told me to come pick him up and take him to the barbershop. I looked good as hell, I made sure I put on a nice ass outfit and I really wanted to wear my "Beyonce boots," even though it was snow and ice outside. "A DIVA IS A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLA.." Yes, I had on 5 inch heels in the ice, slipping and sliding, but I still looked good as hell.
So, we went to the barbershop....we was laughing and shit...having a good time. This was around the time the Biggie movie was out, and Jarvis wanted to go to the movies with some of his friends, but I was kind of hesitant. Anyways, we ended up going up to the HoJo to this little hotel gathering. Then, Asa's cousin called Jarvis and asked if I could come get him, and I went to go get him. So, we were up in the room chilling, sipping, but later on in the night, I decided to take my ass home. I went home, and the next day I woke up to a phone call from Asa's best friend, Ash. She called me and asked me what I did last night and I told her that I got drunk as hell, and I was kicking it with Damien. She told me that Asa had finally gotten the hint and planned on taking me to the movies that day. I called him to see if it was true and he told me he was. So, I talked to him off and on for the day....but, Asa told me to be ready by 6. So, I got dressed and shit and 6 roll around and no ASA!.....So, 7 rolls around....*door bell* I answer the door, and he just stood there with his mouth open, "Damn!" Yes, a bitch was bad. Anyways, he said, " The plans we had tonight were cancelled. Why don't you ask Jarvis to take you to the movies?" I ran outside, YET AGAIN IN 4 INCH HEELS ON AN ICEY DRIVEWAY!, chasing after him. I begged and pleaded for him to listen to me, and that it wasn't like that. But, Damien went and told Asa that I told him that I was feeling Jarvis. I tried to get him to listen to me, but he wasn't budging. He told me to move, so he could go home but I wouldn't move.....he put the car in reverse and the drivers door was hitting me and I was rolling down the driveway with his car...He didn't care. So, I just let him go. He was so hurt, but it hurt me more, because I was the one that hurt him. I stood in my driveway with ankle boots, skinny jeans and a sleeveless sweater in 15 degree weather, crying......watching him pull out of my driveway. I just ran in the house, and I called Damien and Jarvis and cursed them out to the point of NO RETURN! Then, I called Ashley, and she said that Asa pushed her ass into a fucking corner to tell him what I told her, and I wasn't mad because I couldn't blame her because that is her best friend. She said, Damien told Asa what I said and that we were all together.....I couldn't stop crying...I was just dialing numbers. I fnally called my best friend, RAY! And, she came and got me, and took me out to try to get my mind off of everything. I ended up spending the night at her house, and I couldn't function, breathe...I couldn't think about anything other than him. He didn't talk for weeks, but his best friend, Ash was by my side the whole time. I really appreciate her for that. She just told me he wanted his space. I eventually learned how to give that to him, and he came back around around V-Day. I had planned on having a wonderful V-Day, because my previous one was horrible. But, ummm...I had ruined that so he says. He was going to take me downtown to eat, and we were going to have a carriage ride downtown and then he was gon' get us a room with rose petals and candles and shit, and be all romantic and make love. DAMN! Anyways, he text me randomly one day, and we talked and he told me I needed to take him out to eat to make up for my "wrong doings." I did....against all his friends telling me not to. We went out to eat, and we just talked. I asked him if we were back together, and he said, "Yea..." (Remember that!) Anways, he took me to the movies after that. I thought everything was all good? NO! Because I think a couple of days later, I called him and asked him if he was hungry and I brought him some Culvers, and I had a previous conversation with his ex best friend, Chara and she didn't know we were back together, and I wanted to bring that to his attention. I asked him about it, and he said we weren't....that blew the shit out of me. Anyways, we got into this big discussion and he didn't know if he wanted to be back with me because he was hurt, everything he was telling me I already knew, because his Mom told me how he was feeling (yes, I got it like that. She called me the whole time we were broken up to check and see how I was.) I told him how I felt, and how I've been there for him and that I'm not going anywhere because I love him, which has really it me in the ass recently. Anyways, he said that's all I needed to hear and he said we were back together and that he loved me. I looked at him and just loved him soooo much.......I wish that was the last of our problems.

Rehab....

At this present moment, this song is how I feel.....

"Baby, baby when we first met I never felt a feeling so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend, all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it
And, all of a sudden, things went left....I didn't know how to follow..
It's like a shot that spun me around and now my hearts left
I felt so empty and hollow
And, I never gave myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Didn't recognize the things that happen, did ya?
Gon' take a miracle to bring me back, but your the one to blame
And now I feel like Oh....you're the reason that I'm thinking
I don't want smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I just let you go on and do it
But, now I'm using like I....
I gotta check into rehab, cause' baby your my disease
I gotta check into rehab, cause' baby your my disease
Your my disease, oh oh ooh ohh oooh........."

The Middle.....

Well, this is the middle of my story....let's see.....

Well, I had just came back from MY SUPER SWEET 16 in California. Me and my then best friend, Sam were driving and we drove past his house and he was outside, so we drove back over there. We pulled up, and he didn't know who it was. He was so confused, until he started walking up to the car and he saw Sam, then he saw me and his jaw almost dropped to the ground. He walked over to the driver's side and we talked, then he tried to convince me to let him drive my car. It was Asa, I let him do everything, so I let him drive it. He put his number in my phone, but I didn't expect for him to call. I dropped him off at home and went my merry way. The next day, when I was at my friends trunk party I called him and he didn't answer. I thought, "typical Asa." I just moved on with my life, like I had been doing. But, the next day, he text me out of nowhere saying, "I'm sorry about yesterday. But, what are you doing tonight?" I had to look at the phone a good 5 times, to get the shock to go away. We text back and forth and he wanted me to come to his house that night, so I told him I was going to stop by and we stopped texting. About a half hour later, he text me, "where u at" I was like damn...this nigga really wants to see me. It was very shocking because he's never acted this way before. Anyways, I told him I was still at my friends house. He told me to come over now....I was like...Ooook. So, I left my friends house and went over there. I looked regular as hell, like I didn't plan on seeing him or I would've looked cuter. Anyways, I pulled up and he was sitting in his friends car.....we talked or whatever. And, he wanted to go up to the Premier, and of course he wanted to drive, so I let him drive. We drove up to the Premier, and we drove around to a couple more places, and eventually went back to his house. We parked in front of his house. And, what happened next, I would've never expected....we talked from 11 that night, all the way to 7 in the morning. I mean, no awkward silences, and we talked about EVERYTHING! Like, yea, I've known Asa for years, but I didn't really "know" him. You know? We talked about our feelings towards each other, and he apoligized for how he treated me like shit for those past years, and how he wasn't ready for me. I understood. He told me how he liked a girl like me, independent, intelligent, beautiful, and knows what they want out of life. I just smiled. He asked why I stayed around so long, and never left. I couldn't answer that for him then, because I was half sleep, but the answer is because I knew what he was capable of and I knew we would be a great couple. Ever since I was younger, I never imagined myself with anyone other than him. Anyways, when 7 rolled around, we went to McDonald's to get some breakfast and went back to his house....he got out of the car and said he was going to get some rest...I said, "see you in a couple months..." he laughed..."Why don't you go home and get some rest? And, then come back over here?" I was like ok. So, I went home and hit the couch. I was too excited to get up, but when I got up I went to my best friends house. Asa eventually called me and asked me what I was doing.......he invited me to go the beach with him and his friends. I went.....he introduced me to all his friends, but its how he introduced me. "My chick..." WHAT?! We hadn't discussed this....I didn't know we were together....I'm still talking to other guys...(and so was he, but we'll get to that.) Well, that was the beginning of a rocky relationship...........we went everywhere together after that day....EVERY DAY!! One night we went to the city to kick it with his best friend and her guy and I was going through his phone and he was talking about how he was going to "drop F's" I asked Akeem (his best friend, who he was having this conversation with) and he wouldn't tell me what he was talking about, so here came my infamous attitude. He was like, "What's wrong with you?" "Who the hell is F's?".....silence.....Come to find out F's is this bitch that he was talking to before he started talking to me and he was telling Akeem that he was going to drop her and give up his bachelor card to be faithful to me. I didn't care....I was passed pissed and told him to take me home! If your're wondering why they called her "F's" its because she had F size breasts...yea, I know. Her real name is Keviette....yea I know. Anyways, we moved on from that, and went on with our relationship. But, then his birthday came around. He made me wear this outfit that I wouldn't normally wear, but I liked it. I ended up looking really nice.(to the right) Anyways, we went to the hotel, got a big ass bottle of Goose and had a good time. He was introducing me to his guys, and they almost jumped out of their body to talk to me, even little midgets. But, I love them all!! Lol. Anyways, me and his ex-best friend, Chara decided to go to McDonald's and we began to talk and she asked me how I was feeling after last night happened......I was like, huh???....Anyways, to make a long story short. Earlier that day, like 2 in the morning, me and Asa went to his cousin Damien's house and had sex on his couch, and when we were done he was acting really weird. I didn't know why....but Chara told me why....because the condom fell off and he had to "find it." And, he thought I was pregnant because it was empty when he "found it." I got mad as hell. But, what pissed me off even more was when I got back to the room, and everybody knew EXCEPT ME! His cousin, his best friends....EVERY FUCKING BODY! I was too mad! Anyways, he took me outside and tried to apoligize saying, "I didn't know how to tell you" "I didn't want to mess up your future, because you have everything planned out.." But, I felt so disrespected, but I forgave him. (a bad habit that has developed over the months.) Hmmm....what happened next?? We spent all the major holidays together....shit EVERYDAY together......Ohh....I forgot what month it was, but Asa was still going to Thornwood and he constantly got suspended, and his car wasn't working, so I would drive to his house in the morning and he would take me to school and he would keep my car throughout the day because he couldn't stay at home because his parents would find out. This happened on and off for a month.....yes, I'm a good ass girlfriend, BELIEVE THAT!...I think thats it for this blog.....next is "The Intermission..."

"My Pretty Bitches....tattoo on they tittie bitches...never acting shitty bitches..."

I have the greatest friends........IN THE WORLD!!

First and foremost.....Raven Tashay Townsel....this bitch is ride or die. The realest and classiest bitch you will ever meet in your life. She dress to the nine's and could give a fuck what any bitch has to say about her. I admire that in her the most. She's intelligent, and she has that one quality in her, that you search for in most females. She's beautiful on the outside, but even more in the inside. She constantly lisents to me and all my bullshit, and although she makes mistakes with certain people, I'm always there to support her and her decisions like she is with me. I don't know what else to say about her, because she's just a great person. She gets on my nerves sometimes, but who doesn't?? Lol. I Love You best friend!

.........Constance Robinson.....you'll probably find a common denominator in my descriptions of my friends, because I only fuck with the realest bitches out there. And, Connie definetly is one of the realest. She keeps me laughing, and we definetly talk shit about each other, and other people to each other. She constantly asks me for advice and we have very different lifes, but we are really close. I Love You Coco!

...........Justina Baker......another real bitch. I can't stand her ass, because she's always telling me the truth. I talk to her about my relationship and she always gives the best advice about what I should do about Mr. Cole. I hate the things she says, but I do try to listen to her. She's funny as hell, and even though she hates wining, she does it herself. She's truthfully innocent and sweet, but has a hard exterior. I Love You Jus!

.........Briana Spears......this bitch is the truth. When something deep or interesting happens in my life, she's the first to know. I tell her EVERYTHING!!! We had one thing in common.."C" Wejust recently became close, but it didn't take long. She always listens to me, and looks at both sides of the story before giving advice. If I'm wrong, she tells me I'm wrong. She's my mentor, and she sees the good in all people. I want to be positive like her one day, but it takes a lot of growth and maturity to be this way. Which she is. I Love You Bri!

........Brittany Norris......sarcastic ass. I love her. She's been my sister since my freshman year. I look up to her because when she has a problem with someone she always checks herself to see if its jealousy or something immature, and if it isn't then its an actual problem with them. She is so self-sufficient and just....I can't even think of words to describe her. She is just a beautiful person, and along with Briana, she is one of my mentors. I Love You Bri!